Melancholy. It is a word that described by Merriam Webster means a sad mood or feeling. But I have come to realize that this "noun" can seem to take on a life of its own. It can change from being one thing to something drastically devastating.
If fed it can thrive to become a living thing. It devours time. Minutes that at one instant seem to drag on; suddenly disappear altogether leaving you wondering where they went. It feasts on nostalgia. Nothing like a song or smell to trigger a memory. Even the right shade of blue can make your mind wander to a day when life was (at least in the moment) as good as it can get. That nostalgia fuels the melancholy giving it action into your existence. This thing that was once not much more than a mood has now undergone a horrific change. You start to exist in this melancholy. It then starts to eat away at more important things like faith, hope, self worth, and confidence. It eats and devours till all that is left is an empty, numb shell. This "feeling" has now become a living parasite that gorges on the little shimmers of self that still exist buried deep within. Where does it start? How to get it to end?
These are questions that differ from person to person. Each individual is unique and with that uniqueness comes a set of quandries that aren't so easily solved. Moving from day to day seems to pose its own obstacles to be fought.
Taking control and fighting back from a desolate, isolation is no easy feat. It takes perseverance, and love and patience from those around you. But take solace in the fact that YES those battles can be won. It takes the very hope and faith that feeds this internal monster. Starve it. Deny it. Let it die.