So its been awhile and there seems to be much on my mind. Where do I begin and where do I end.
Let's see....
I'm beginning to wonder if my thought cycle self sabotages when things are going good?
I've had some pretty terrible dreams of late...
Some are just gory,
some are just sad,
some are just strange,
and some..... well.... they kinda put me back in a frame of mind I just can't seem to shake.
Last night was the worst in awhile. Had some dreams from each of those catagories and woke throughout the night clenching both fists and jaws.
Took all my aggression out in crossfit this morning to make up for it, and killed it on the box jumps... but am left this afternoon feeling sad and empty. There is a sorrow for something within me that feels lost or scared or ashamed or maybe all of thee above.

I try very very hard to be a good mom, a good wife, a good daughter, a good friend, a good example.... but lately I find it tough to be a good "me"....
Not sure where this is coming from and I also find it harder to fight the temptation food brings me. I am a food addict and its been stressful just saying NO to certain things.
In fact I've had more "relapses" with this disease than good days.
Which if you are addicted to ANYTHING; you know this plays havoc with your self esteem and makes you feel weak.

I wish I could explain this to my life partner and husband, but there are some things you just can't talk about with anyone who hasn't "been in your shoes"... and more things you don't talk about with someone who is willing to take the world apart to see you happy.

Well blog followers... you tell me...
Am I the only one who has only ever dealt with this?
I'd love to hear from you?